Episode 13 – The Broader Base to Live Life From – My Conversation with Vicki Newman

Connection with self, other and All That Is

Open Heart is the Heart of Connection

Wonderful to introduce Vicki Newman, from Mackay, a mother of 4 children and work in my own clinic, Connectology Natural Health Center and enjoy life as much as I can.  In North Queensland about days drive from Brisbane and a day’s drive to Cairns.  A lovely temperature at 24, beautiful weather.  We poor Victorians miss out on it – LOL.  Cold down here but we get through it.

What does Heart of Connection mean to you?  Remaining open which can be difficult when we get triggered and there is pain and want to close over and disconnect.  Understand openness which is different to vulnerability – give choice when I am contracting back from someone and have a reaction to something.  Giving myself space and time to look into it.

Space, time and silence to look within.

How do you look into it?  I suppose giving self-space and time and space and still nothing else to listen to my own chatter.  Understanding what hurt or pain might be buried there could be fear it could be guilt and lots of different things that can close me off.  And loving myself and It’s okay doing that as a person.

In the understanding is that a healing thing? – Sometimes it’s a recognition, it is a past pain and do I really need to react from it now.  Sometimes it is a recognition of a dilemma or difficulty and mindfully navigate it.  Because I’m not out of it yet.  It is healing in a way it takes pressure off my body to carry trauma to carry tension.

Connecting to our pain in my body – the body doesn’t lie

Are you connecting to it – the pain the wound?  To the pain?  Yeah, usually in my body the body I think the body never lies it carries what it carries.  It keeps score that our brain and thinking can’t – sometimes going down into the body emotion of something – often it will show up as a pain or discomfort in my body.  Do like working with body-oriented psychotherapies

Do you go past it?- it does it change – Yes, I think it is the connection to it – just being connected to it allows it to change the connection at the beginning.  I think it is the connection to it that allows it to change.

Is the connection like a nourishment a loving kindness?  It is all those things. A gentle holding in a loving way.  Is that giving it what it needed back then?  Sometimes not, sometimes that comes later. Sometimes there’s an acknowledgment that I need to enact something in my life and that helps heals it further.  Allowing it to evolve, to find the need and then to start living and giving myself f permission to understand what that is and give it to myself, look for it out in the world, live it out in the world.

The Broader Base to Live Life From

More happiness, I can feel more connected to other people, contentment, I feel like a broader base to live life from.  From a body perspective where might that be in your body?  I suppose that Is from a Soul level that one – I just have a broader capacity that helps me live better, feels good, and it feels comfortable.  Don’t have to run so hard against life.

How do you anchor into it?  How do you come back to it so to speak?  Knowing when I have to do my own personal work is a good one.  (LOL)!!!  Know when I’m hiding my own shit away – let’s avoid, get busy, don’t think, don’t talk about it. Let the monkey mind rattle the cage. All good signposts, (Both LOL).

Sometimes there is a closing it’s like life closes in on me a good sign and I pretend it’s not a real problem.  It’s like life will roadblock me basically.

Not disconnecting from Soul, just more body aware.

Are you disconnected from Soul?  I think it more than I’m needing to be more aware and to slow myself down into that awareness of inside and what’s happening around me.  Step back, rather than stay superficial I suppose –and just do the day to day things to keep me away from tending to myself.

In our ATEP (Association of Transpersonal Experiential Psychotherapies) training, I heard the Zen quote, “Chop wood, carry water pre-enlightenment – chop wood, carry water post-enlightenment.”

Yes, nothing changes but everything does changes for you when you allow yourself to spend time with yourself.

When closing, in are you going somewhere in your body?  Tend to feel less grounded in my body so going up into my head and there’s a pace, a quickening pace that I’m with – that doesn’t allow me to slow down and feel, thinking of course is very quick and easy – attending to emotional stuff and body stuff longer process and particularly like the information from changing from the bottom of the brain up. From our wiring – from the body through to thinking.  Haven’t changed the patterns inside our body yet – neurochemical of emotions in our body and not in our brain.

The Heart is never disconnected

What happens in your Heart?  Funny one, I don’t consider it as a disconnection that I don’t hear it as well, it’s in the background not in the foreground.  Times we need to think through things need to happen.  In the distance that’s when I feel a loss for that, a loss and an then an urge to a connection.

What do you notice with others?  That’s when I am not well connected with others – it seems less disconnection and more superficial chit chat.  Do you miss that connection? Yes, I do miss it.  What happens to your well-being……is it a check in to reconnect?  Externally it can feel like a real estrangement quite a lonely feeling in a room of people but still be feeling alone.  When feeling solid in to my connection to my heart – a sense of power real strength in it…..more of a strength it feels broad.  It is a strength that’s broad.

There’s a strength that’s broad.  Have the capacity to hold other people story and journey and judgment not there. Judgment can’t live there broad quiet space within me but people can come and see me.  I can really welcome and meet people and meet people in the same space.

The Oneness in my broadness

In the broadness is there a Onenes?  Yeah through meeting happens with each other we can be ourselves fully with another person.  I feel that a lot of kids. Kids have it naturally we tend to grow them out of it.  Children definitely hold that easily and it’s a shame we don’t have skills to keep it open, like the concept of the divine children.  With children do you connect to that in yourself?  Yes, there is a playful energy that is available there with children.  That exploring and discovering is not a problem they do that with themselves through play generally still open to learning about themselves through all that.  Like the voice dialogue Magical Child, Playful child self.

Coming back to, Oneness does that take you into beyond you is there a spiritual?   Yes, there usually is.  A real sense of belonging in my life I’m a natural part of that.  That’s nice, that understanding it holds me in ways that nurture me don’t know how to explain that.  Feeling connected to the Earth to the universe they hold me – that’s rather reassuring.

Boundaries to the Oneness of being present in my now.

When held by universe does your ego or physical sense of self-dissolve?  It does not exist depends on the moment of the experience.  It is fascinating and the word that stands out is ‘grow’ that is also to connect with life and living.  We grow and that amazing coming out of nothing from a thought.  Made me aware of thoughts of what mind chatter –what we are filled up when we go into the head and mind.

Boundaries of things and thinking that connect – I look for the differences where in my thinking is that expanding or just boundaries of someone else’s opinion or a cultural morale – they can be quite different spaces.

Which space do you prefer?  The security and boundaries of the mind space the expansion its hard for my human body – In expanded there is a disappearing as if I am not there anymore – that can hold some fear for me.  Is there a fear of losing a sense of self?  Fear of being total disconnected from myself – Infants come from and build their “I”.

Letting Go and Immersing in the Bliss

Can you let yourself go in it?  Go beyond the fear and be immersed in it?  There is a bliss and there is the finding my way back – the stress of finding my way back has taken me out – blissful state for a moment or half an hour.

Tell me about the bliss?  What connection there?  Connection with everything not sure if I want to use the word God because that has generations and centuries of beliefs connected around it.  Just feels like something bigger than me that’s got me covered…  That feel nice – feels really nice because I can let go of daily and worldly stuff – So sometimes I can use it as an escape rather than mindful to go inward rather than outward.

Interesting I don’t have a regular practice of engaging that can be a problem for me.  Of engaging in the bliss while I’m living, I need to live.  That is where I come from and that is where I am going.  What would it like to have the bliss in everyday life?  I think I understand that it is there and it is there just how connected – when disconnected don’t feel supported in it.

The Calmness of the Body.

In the body?  Calmness in my body and acceptance a nice big acceptance – there is a freedom a letting go – feel like it is clear.   A clarity does clear my mind and the emotional baggage.  Doesn’t mean I don’t have to pick up the baggage again.  Sometimes it gets to heal and dissolved there. I had a dream woke up about all are wonderful things I know now – coming downstairs to find someone and stood next to the green garage that is where we take our garage – what we need to heal is part of our-self.

There is the earthy aspect.  There is no garage as it goes back to the earth – its a better way of holding that stuff we don’t need and we are holding onto to it because what we’ve held onto.  Does need to be recycled, especially old beliefs handed on.

Is there a message you have?  That we all have that within us what is to takes for ourselves to be heal and when we can put the garage out – the higher self is tending us, as we learn to let go.

Thank you, Vicki, for the lovely conversation ~ Namaste

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