Connecting to a Photographers Inner Journey ~ Episode 80 ~ My Conversation with Debbs Deb

Heart of Connection Podcast
Heart of Connection Podcast
Connecting to a Photographers Inner Journey ~ Episode 80 ~ My Conversation with Debbs Deb

Connecting to a Photographers Inner Journey

Mark [0:00] I’d like to welcome Debbs Deb to the World Heart of Connection Podcast.  I’m your host Mark Randall.  Debbs is an author, photographer and life changer from Alberta in Canada is that correct Debbs?

Debbs [0:14] Yes, Edmonton, Alberta, Canada.

Mark [0:17] And how is life in Canada during COVID-19?

Debbs [0:24] I can’t speak for other people.   But I will speak for myself right now. I am living my dream. I know it sounds a little bit difficult maybe for other people to comprehend, but I can connect with my son and teach him everything that I learned and what I know is right. I’m able to completely upgrade myself. I have that time to reflect. So, I’m sitting well right now and I know a lot of people are struggling.  I understand that and I am not at all in any way, shape or form saying that other people are going through struggles, but right now I am doing well.

Connecting to our Yin & Yang in Social Isolation

Mark [1:15] It’s sort of like the COVID-19 and social isolation. It’s like coming home to yourself to awaken to the Yin and Yang of our personality – of our being.

Debbs [1:30] Exactly.

Mark [1:31] And in that awakening, it’s lovely to wake – to awaken to our Yin, but to awaken to our Yang may not be so nice, but it’s a process that we need to journey through.

Connected to my inner journey

Debbs [1:48] Completely and to be completely honest and fair.  I have been through an awakening and trauma and I’ve spent the last four years navigating through the trauma that I’ve been through.  Right now, I worked on myself and I did the inner work the inner journey it isn’t easy.  It is a lot of commitment and I did that and that’s the only reason why I’m where I’m at right now.  I want to like share with everyone you must do that inner work to be able to be okay with yourself.  The inner work and inner child work because of the most important stuff for me.

Mark [2:32] It’s interesting in our awakening, the inner child never goes away.  When we become adults, it’s like, ‘thank God childhood is over’ and I can let that go.  But we never let it go unfortunately we push it into the subconscious and it keeps coming back.

Connection to our Inner Child Imperative

Debbs [2:51] Always.  I always hear ~ I don’t want to do it.  I’m conscious now and I’m able to decipher if it’s my inner child saying, I don’t want to because I’m not comfortable.  Or if it’s my actual adult self who is conscious and awake saying, this doesn’t feel right, and I choose the higher path.  However, it’s my job as an awakened individual to say and to parent, my inner child.   Only because I’m a parent, I know I can decipher those messages.  It’s just I don’t want to because I’m tired.  I don’t want to at all – just because I don’t want to.  I can say, ‘hey, wait for a second,’ this is the choice I made.  If you don’t want to, let’s figure out why?  How come you don’t want to and let’s go in a little bit deeper and see where those wounds are so we can heal them.  So, then we can get on with their life.

Mark [3:52] Debbs do you have a process or ritual or routine on how you connect to yourself? To heal those wounds to become conscious of those wounds. How do you?

Connecting to Self through Meditation

Debbs [4:07] Yeah, I do.  I meditate. I’m not going to say I meditate daily, because consistency is something I struggle with every single day.  However, when I feel at my lowest of lows and I don’t want to meditate, that’s my inner child saying, ‘don’t do what you know is best’.  Then I meditate and then I get the inner answers and inner strength. There’s a lot of inner – there is a lot of free content right now on YouTube, on how to connect with your inner child and how to do meditations.  So, I completely suggest looking up what resonates with you, and with whoever is listening right now, to do the inner child work and whatever you look up is what’s right for you.

Debbs [5:03] But do the inner child work?

Connections to my Inner Child

Mark [5:05] When you’re meditating and you connect to the inner child, can you describe the experience of that connection to the inner child?

Debbs [5:13] Yeah, totally.  I’ll take you on a bit of a journey of my inner child work.  So, when I close my eyes and I do meditation I picture my hurt self as – for me, it was five years old.  I got told ‘no’ a lot of times and I got spankings.  I got physically abused, I guess you can say but it wasn’t – it was practical in their eyes. It wasn’t excessive if that makes sense but to my inner child, I was very harmed and my voice was never heard. So, when I close my eyes, I separate the two.  I separate my adult self from my inner child, and I asked a question.  I say, how can I help you to be heard?  Any child who you see is in the corner, who’s hurting, who’s sitting by themselves, who is crying, who’s alone, you can feel and see their pain. I want you to really think about how you would comfort that child, take yourself out of the picture because it’s not about you. Take yourself out of the picture and say, how can I help this beautiful human this beautiful soul and do what you wanted and what you needed at that time? Be the person who wasn’t there for that person.  Be that person, that’s my advice.

Channelling to the Inner Child what it Needs

Mark [6:46] In that process – in that connection.  Are you channelling the energy of loving-kindness and compassion back to the five-year-old?

Debbs [6:56] I’m channelling what I know I needed. Everything that I didn’t get, I give to my inner child.  So, there was something that really helped me.  It’s in the form of writing. Pen to paper is the most important step right now.  What I did – is I channelled my inner child and I wrote a letter to my older self from my inner child of when it was damaged the most.  I wrote a letter and then I read that internally, and then I wrote a reply as my adult self.  I gave this as advice and what I could give – a piece of advice to my inner child.   There is a secret there.

Debbs [7:50] I couldn’t just write it and not read it out loud and be vulnerable.  So, I suggest finding somebody who you trust implicitly, with your everything.  Read that to them, allow them to hold space for you and read your reply.  When you read it out loud, that’s the most powerful thing.  Writing it down is powerful, but reading it aloud is by far the most powerful thing and that’s what helped me heal my inner child. Is by reading to somebody who I can give space to and was allowing me to be able to give that space.

Connecting to our inner Child’s Vulnerability

Mark [8:31] Is that – reading to someone else’s – is that like powerfully exposing the beautiful vulnerability of the inner child?

Debbs [8:40] Completely.  What I live by, is you must feel it – which is writing it down.  Then there’s a three-step process. So, feel it first, allow those feelings to come through and then reveal it.

Mark [8:57] I have put a post out…

Debbs [8:59] So feel, reveal and then you can heal.

Debbs [9:08] That’s a three-step process to actually healing.  Make sure that who you’re revealing it to, is able to – if you need a professional which I strongly suggest if it’s a life coach if it’s a therapist if your wounds are deeper than what a life coach can help you or assist you with – then go to a professional to listen and give you advice.

Mark [9:37] As I was saying before:  I put out a post, one of the mantras of the World Heart Connection Day is, ‘heal thyself ~ heal Mother Earth.’  When you’re connected there to yourself, how does that then resonate with your connections to others?

Debbs [10:01] Hmm that’s a beautiful question.

Connecting to Loving Myself

Debbs [10:04] I’ve heard this many times before and I never actually listened to it. I heard it and I’m like, oh yeah. You must love yourself before you can love others, bla bla bla, okay.  I heard that so many times I never actually felt it.  I never did, because I didn’t truly love myself.  So, that’s why I never actually resonated with it. But loving yourself is not a simple process. It means accepting yourself with our imperfections. You’re perfectly imperfect, flawed, human existence.  I feel we come here from absolutely the state of perfection.  We come here to live a life of imperfection and density and being able to accept yourself at where you are – is the only way that you can actually find or that I – okay I’m speaking for myself, not you.  For me to fully accept myself was to potentially be rejected by thousands of millions of people. I used to weigh 385 pounds. I lost 200 pounds. I don’t know what that isn’t kilos but it’s a lot of weight. It’s about two people.

Mark [11:27] Well done.

Connecting to my Weight Loss

Debbs [11:29] I chose to be public – to completely be public with the amount of skin that was leftover.  Because I felt I was living a lie. I had imposter syndrome. I didn’t feel I was giving the best I could be unless I fully exposed myself.  So, then I could be potentially rejected, but I was only fully accepted.  It’s called the skin-a-man experience is a project that I’m doing.  I’m a photographer but first I had to experience what it could have been like to be rejected based on my physical appearance. My container of my soul has no mirror on my soul itself.

Mark [12:16] How often and what’s the connection like to your soul?

Connecting to my Soul

Debbs [12:24] Well after I was able to fully bare my soul in words and how my soul felt.  How it was reflected on the camera after I was able to equalise the feeling of not being worthy enough.  But then it’s been able to explain how I looked – in how I felt after being able to equalise that.  The connection was my soul is completely 100% genuine.  I have no imposter feelings after I was able to fully expose who I was – who I felt was being an imposter.  I wasn’t an imposter, I just I felt guilty. Every time I went out, I felt guilty because nobody saw who I truly was.

Mark [13:22] The more you connect to your soul ~ I just be curious what’s the energy like, as it radiates through your body and your being?

I See People’s Soul as the Photographer

Debbs [13:35] I don’t know if anyone’s ever felt this before, but I have as I’m a photographer.  I see people’s souls.  So, when I pick up a camera, and I have that camera, I there’s a sense of belonging.  There’s a sense of I know who I am, and I know what I’m doing. And I know I’m on the right path.

Mark [14:01] Are you shooting the photography through the lens of your soul?

Debbs [14:05] Yeah, completely I see people’s souls.

Debbs [14:09] That’s my gift and I see my soul.

Mark [14:13] What a beautiful gift.

Connecting to See My Own Soul

Debbs [14:16] Oh, I couldn’t ask for something better however, I needed to be able to see my soul through somebody else’s.  Somebody else had to see my soul before I could see mine.

Mark [14:26] Well done. What an awakening?

Debbs [14:31] It was, and it rocked me to the core.  It was scary.  I went through psychosis.  I went through this – I got diagnosed bipolar type one.  I never fully dealt with what happened to me, I’m going to say.  I didn’t know how to deal with it, and I gave to everyone else because I wanted, I was distracting myself, from me is dealing with the trauma.

Spiritual Emergency or Psychosis

Mark [15:00] That trauma – Stan Grof, Holotropic breathwork.  He is a psychiatrist and he described it as a ‘Spiritual Emergency’, not necessarily psychosis.

Debbs [15:09] I love that ~ I love a spiritual emergency.  I love that – if I had an education, if I hadn’t known that I might experience a spiritual emergency, or psychosis, whatever you want to call it.  If I had known that could have been a by-product of trauma that wasn’t effectively dealt with.  At the time, I would have been okay, I would have known what I was going through.  It just hit me, I was blindsided, and it was the scariest experience.  I still have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder because of it.  Certain sounds, certain movements, and I didn’t even know that I was triggered by it.

Mark [15:55] When you come back into your soul ~ what how to the PTSD, when you reconnect back to Soul?

Debbs [16:06] I’m able to use my emotional intelligence which everybody has and possesses.  They just don’t know it and if they don’t know it, then it’s time to read a book about it.  Find out what the definition means.  I was going through my life with these definitions that were just emotionally charged, not actually defined.  So, I never actually questioned the word.  I assumed that I knew what it meant based on the emotions that I was told it was.  So, if you get a word, like psychosis, look it up in the dictionary where that’s the true definition.  Don’t rely on emotions to tell you what that word means.  Transients, what does that mean?  What does transient mean to you?  To me?  I didn’t know what it meant actually and then I had a dream and it was lasting for a short while. It’s seasonal.

Debbs [17:12] It’s not going to last.

Connecting to the Nature of Impermanence

Debbs [17:16] Right now, the epidemic right now that’s transient to me. It isn’t going to last.

Mark [17:22] From the Buddhist perspective, it’s of impermanence. Everything’s of impermanence.

Debbs [17:29] The only thing that everybody – so a credit score, a job, a salary, that is only our physical 3d self-trying to make something permanent when we are not here to be permanent.  Nothing is permanent on Earth. We are transient, we are going to change ~ there is going to be changed regardless. Change is the only thing that is certain.

Mark [18:04] My soul knows that, but my ego struggles with that one. That I’m not of impermanence.

Ego – Edging God Out

Debbs [18:09] That’s okay.  So, ego for me – I love acronyms.  Ego for me and I just recently found out what it meant. It means ‘Edging God Out’ for me personally.

Ego for me and I just recently found out what it meant. It means 'Edging God Out' for me personally. Click To Tweet

Mark [18:24] It’s a good acronym. I like that one. Can I use it?

Debbs [18:30] Please. Yes (laughter).

Mark [18:32] It’s a good acronym. I’ve never heard that one before.

Debbs [18:37] Us Canadians we have a lot of good things.

Connection to Maple Syrup

Debbs [18:42] Maple syrup is also another really yummy thing.

Mark [18:46] Debb’s we have maple syrup in our cupboard. I use it in my smoothies every day.

Debbs [18:50] Oh, it’s the best thing to ever have. Put it on salmon – Salmon and maple syrup is the best combination.

Connecting as an Author ~ Sacred Hearts Rising ‘Sparks of Light’

Mark [19:00] Coming back to the conversation in connection. You’ve written a chapter in a book, can you share the connection that you had to that chapter, with the audience, please?

Debbs [19:12] Yeah.  So, on Tuesday, the 14th April 14, I am officially a published author of a book called Sacred Hearts Rising ~ Sparks of Light.  It’s the third anthology. So, what this means is, there are 17 other authors and I’m a chapter which means I am connected to these other authors and spreading the message. My chapter is called ‘Choices and Forgiveness’.  I will go through the process to everything and I personally love processes.  I love knowing ~ if I do ‘a’, I do ‘b’ I get to ‘c’ – which potentially gets me to z.  Whatever a, b, c 123 equals this.  I really love the process.  In the chapter I write, I cannot give you the process.  I have a poem on the process.  I didn’t write that in the book, but I did write the three stages. There are three types of forgiveness and if you go in the book, you’re going to find out what they are, and I find knowledge is power.  You get to choose how to forgive yourself, other people, everything, there’s a choice and there’s also a benefit for each portion of those choices that you make.

Connecting to the ‘All That Is’

Mark [20:47] In the conversation, we talk about the connection to self, others and ‘All That Is’, I’m just wondering, out of curiosity, in that state of forgiveness, are you connecting to the ‘All That Is’ in that process?

Debbs [21:03] I’m connecting to all that I am.

Mark [21:04] And is that connected to the ‘All That Is’?

Debbs [21:13] Well, all that I am ~ is ‘All That Is.’

Well, all that I am ~ is 'All That Is.' Click To Tweet

Mark [21:17] Well done. What’s that like Debbs?

Connecting to Unconditional Forgiveness

Debbs [21:22] To choose unconditional forgiveness is the greatest gift that I give to myself. Has nothing to do with anybody else.  Before I could freely forgive the officer, or the man who decided to take away my power.  Both, the officer also took away the power, but I refused to allow that to happen.  I said no that that’s enough. I choose myself.  I finally made a choice and because this happened to me, I never say it happened to me.  It happened for me because if it didn’t happen, we wouldn’t be talking right now.  If it didn’t happen, I wouldn’t have a chapter in a book to be able to show the world how to transform from blame, shame, guilt, to complete and utter, unconditional forgiveness.

Mark [22:19] How much equanimity is there when you’re in that space? How much equanimity?  How much liberty?

Debbs [22:27] What does that mean? I don’t what that means.

Connecting to Equanimity ~ Sweet Spot of the Soul

Mark [22:28] Equanimity ~ it’s freedom of all the dark and the light. It’s just that sweet spot of the soul.

Debbs [22:36] Love that.  I love that because I felt the dark, the darkest of darks and I also felt the lightest of lights because I got diagnosed with bipolar type one.  What that means is I exhibit that euphoria of the complete highness of being completely one with spirit.  Then what goes up must go down and I went as far as down as I went up.  I literally walked through hell and I would love to have another episode on what psychosis means because I went through, and it was a reality to me.  I went through both and right now because I went through both I am now balanced.  I know what it feels like to be at the darkest. I know what it’s like to be at the very highest.  Now I get to choose ~ have a choice.  Always have always will. Everyone has a choice. I choose to be balanced and I refuse to allow the medication to numb me because I refuse to be numbed. I want to feel that I know that I have a choice to be balanced.

Mark [23:51] And sometimes when in that psychosis, it’s like the old poem Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. The state of ego can just be fractured and broken, and it’s how do we put that back together again? How do we find balance through that?

Connecting & Building on Solid Rock

Debbs [24:11] So, my ego was to the definition of I’m okay.  I lied to myself so much that I was okay that nobody knew was that I needed help not even myself.  I built these walls that Humpty Dumpty sat on that were not level. They weren’t equal. They weren’t sustainable. There was nothing there that could help but the great fall.  I had this beautiful great fall.  I fell – I felt like I dove out of a plane and I was caught. I was caught by the walls that saved me.  The walls that I had built up, they saved me from the fall, however, now I have a choice. Do I put the wall back the way it was built? Or do I get rid of what no longer serves me? So, I choose, and I chose to get rid of all those bricks that have no merit in my life that don’t serve me.  I was able to set a steady foundation starting with meditation, starting with love of myself, starting with confidence, starting with all these beautiful aspects of mortar and brick and everything that just aligned with my soul.  It wasn’t built on sand anymore. It was built on complete rock, which meant I for myself.

Mark [25:47] Was that your soul guiding you to rebuild those bricks in a different way?

Connecting to a Jay Shetty Group

Debbs [25:52] Oh, that’s a difficult question because of my soul yes.  I also feel there was an external – mmm-hmm.  So, three days prior to the psychosis, I signed up for a group which I never – I don’t pay for things. If there’s a group and I must pay monthly, I’m out. I check out.  I’m like, no, you’re just want to take my money, right.  So, three days before I was hospitalised for the month, I signed up for this group called the Genius group and it’s through Jay Shetty.  While it was in the hospital, a whole month was based on confidence and every week, he does a different – he does a topic per month and then every week he does a different thing based on the topic.  The whole monthly topic was on confidence and he taught me how to truly meditate and love myself.  A lot of people who were unbalanced came to me and wanted my help and all I could say is come outside with me and meditate.  Meditate with me and that’s the answer.  I’m not here to help you but this can help, and I met so many beautiful souls while I was in the hospital, I’m grateful like I went because I was able to help.

Mark [27:22] Great.  It’s interesting when you’re connecting in there – the ‘All That Is’ how much freedom do you have when you’re really connected and balanced in your ‘All That Is’ your soul, whatever you want to call it?

Connecting to our Freedom

Debbs [27:41] Well, I guess what does freedom mean to you?  It means something different to me. So, what does freedom mean to you?

Mark [27:47] No – thing. No mind, no emotion just totally connected to source despite whatever’s going.

Debbs [27:56] Instinct – is that a good fair way to see it, instinct?

Mark [28:00] Yeah, that instinct is the true self.

Debbs [28:05] Primal instincts?

Debbs [28:06] Yeah.

Mark [28:07] The true self.

Debbs [28:09] My true self knows and understands that I need to do what’s best for me. Regardless of other people’s opinions. I was raised very religiously. I love the way I was raised because I got taught how to truly connect with – I’ve never connected with myself, but I understood the value of life through how I was raised.  I was raised as a Jehovah’s Witness, and I have no ill feelings against how I was raised. It’s not for me, and I accept that. However, it did show me the path of true freedom of soul.

Mark [29:02] Gave you a baseline so to speak?

Debbs [29:06] I was able to connect with myself and be honest with who I was and what my boundaries were.  Boundaries are huge in the spiritual world holy man. I didn’t know that until I had the psychosis and I’m like, whoa, wait a second.  I need to have these boundaries for myself.  For my soul. I am free but I still require boundaries and limitations. Limitations aren’t bad based on your definition

How to Access the Book

Mark [29:42] Debbs, how to get a copy of the book? How do listeners access your – the book that you have got a chapter in?

Debbs [29:51] Yeah.  So, it’s called Sacred Hearts Rising – ‘Sparks of Light’.  It’s on Amazon. You can also get it on Kindle as well.  If you want a signed copy, please message me on Facebook.  The page I’m on based on the story is Debbie – “I believe you.”

Mark [30:15] Debbs, in drawing the conversation too close.  Is there any advice you have for a younger Debb’s coming through her journey now?

Connect to your Fear & Do it Anyway

Debbs [30:28] Yeah, I have a strong message for anybody who hears this message, who resonates but isn’t quite at the level to forgive.  First, the first thing is to be able to fully understand that you didn’t know what you didn’t know and accept that.  They didn’t know what they didn’t know.  So, whoever it was, who may have caused you pain and harm, inflict anything, they didn’t know what they didn’t know. Except for that fact and you didn’t know what you didn’t know.  The second piece of advice is afraid and do it anyway.  Fear is something everybody, every single person if you ask them if they’ve ever felt afraid everybody could connect with fear. Fear is something not to be afraid of.  I know it’s like a contradiction. It’s something you can harness because fear is power.  When we were ancestors and was afraid, they didn’t sit and wallow and think about it. They, they took inspired action.  If there’s a Sabre-toothed tiger and they felt fear, guess what they did, they either killed it or ran away.  Then they taught their children how to deal with that problem.  Right now, we’re sitting their fear because right now, we’re in a pandemic, we are sitting at home, we are afraid.  But it’s up to you to choose how to deal with how to harness that just like a horse. The horse is complete, connected to your energy.  So, you can choose to be afraid and that horse is going to rear up and break everything that you built. Or you can say, wait for a second, I can harness you, and you’re going to be my power and you’re going to take me to where I need to go for the next level. So level up, harness your fear, and do be afraid and do it anyway. That’s my advice.

Mark [32:41] Thanks Debbs. Debbs it’s lovely to – the universe opened for us today to have this connection, which is meant to be.  I deeply appreciate the connection to you and to listen to your soul’s inner wisdom and to share that with listeners. Namaste.

Debbs [32:59] Thank you.


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