Connecting to All of Me
Mark [0:00] I’d like to welcome Nicole Scott to the Heart of Connection Podcast. Nicole is a mental health advocate with Headspace and has found that the best way to connect to herself is by giving to others. Nicole has 
found a deep connection to this and it lights her world up. Nicole is studying life coaching with the Life Coaching Institute in Melbourne and is soon to be moving into a Social Work degree studying at Deakin. So welcome Nicole. Welcome to the Heart of Connection podcast to Self, Others & ‘All That Is’. Just by way of introduction have I covered the introductory – your introduction well enough? Is there bits I’ve missed?
Nicole [0:43] No you’ve pretty much summed it up really well.
Mark [0:46] Great, well done. Now Nicole the connection to self. How does Nicole connect to herself? What’s it like connecting to Nicole?
Connecting to Myself by Sitting with & letting be
Nicole [0:58] I guess connecting to Nicole is making the time to sit down with myself and any thoughts or feelings that come up, just let them be and let them pass through. Yeah and just allowing myself to really connect with what’s going on with me.
Mark [1:21] There are some lovely thoughts and feelings inside ourselves that we all want to connect to. That’s the feel-good side. But then also there’s the unfortunate part of our humankind is the connection to parts of ourselves that aren’t so great. The sadness, the pain, disappointment, loss, and grief there’s a whole range of emotions in there and feeling states.
Connecting to my positive & negative
Nicole [1:47] Yeah, there’s a lot there as well.
Mark [1:49] Yeah and I think connecting to ourselves is – how do we learn to traverse the landscape, that emotional landscape?
Nicole [1:58] Yeah, definitely. Absolutely.
Mark [2:00] As you’ve journeyed through what’s it like now for your journey to be able to connect to some of those emotional states or feeling states or thinking states that aren’t so great?
Connecting to the ‘Comfort within my Discomfort’
Nicole [2:15] I guess when they first come up, I have the old pattern of trying to push them away or reject them. I just remind myself that it’s really important for me to accept all of me. Even the parts that feel uncomfortable or I have a little bit of shame around and just let them come and let myself sit in them and think about what I need. Like do I need to connect some more with other people? Do I just need to give myself a hug? Like just really listened to sort of what my inner child is telling me what she needs and being able to give that to her is amazing.
Mark [2:52] Can I ask what’s it like for your inner-child for the adult Nicole to now connect to the inner child?
Connecting to my Inner Child
Nicole [2:59] She is so happy. She’s very happy. She’s getting the love that she always wanted and she always deserved and she feels so much more at peace.
Mark [3:11] Great. That’s a beautiful connection when she can be at peace.
Nicole [3:15] Yeah, definitely.
Connecting to the energetic needs of our Inner Child
Mark [3:18] That old inner child. Its like a bit of a bottomless pit of connection really sometimes. It’s always needing something.
Nicole [3:28] Yes, definitely.
Mark [3:31] I’m wondering whether our society or our social conditioning has conditioned us to sort of push that away to repress that. It’s not okay. Stop being selfish and all those old messages given by society.
Societal Suppression of our Divine Inner Child
Nicole [3:47] Absolutely. I feel like growing up my family didn’t realize what they were doing. There were certain emotions that they preferred and certain emotions they didn’t want me to see. It came from a place of love but they themselves hadn’t been on the journey. So they’ll be passing on those things of, I guess, rejecting certain emotions and that sort of thing.
Mark [4:12] If they’ve pushed away from their own emotions, those similar emotions when you’re bringing them up in into an environment that’s then triggering perhaps their suppressed? It’s not their fault. It’s just that’s just how it is. It’s perhaps one of the reasons why we’re on this earth. To look and go deeper and explore more of our connections. As you’ve connected more to that inner child. What do you notice the impact of what’s been on your overall well-being?
Connecting & Healing Our Inner Child Wounds
Nicole [4:47] It’s had a massive, positive effect on my well-being. So now when anxiety comes up, instead of trying to push it away a lot of the time. I tried to speak to my inner child and just be like – hey I understand that you know, we’re nervous about what’s happening. I’ve got you, I’m here for you like we’ve got this. You don’t need to be afraid. It’s a much more supportive role with myself rather than rejecting it and letting those less self-loving thoughts come in.
Mark [5:28] I’m wondering, as you’re doing that, are you doing that on all realms of the psyche? Physically, Mentally, Emotionally, Spiritually?
Nicole [5:38] I try to. I feel like I’m still learning and I’m still very new to this and yes it is all a learning process.
Healing and Traversing our Inner Journey
Mark [5:47] Yes it a learning process and some days we’ll get it better than other days?
Nicole [5:52] Yeah, definitely. Yeah.
Mark [5:58] That’s just how it is and sometimes I’m wondering on those days, when we can’t fully connect to the anxiety, perhaps we can just give it 10% of loving-kindness and compassion on those days. That’s a connection within itself.
Nicole [6:17] Yeah.
Mark [6:18] It might be screaming out for the other 90%?
Nicole [6:22] Yes, it all learning and it’s screaming for a reason and it’s just learning to cope with that sometimes.
Making time to notice & connect to our Inner Self
Mark [6:33] How do you take the time out for yourself when it is – when you’re noticing it? What lets did you know that it’s there and how are you able to recognize it at the early stages? Just stop and have some time out for Nicole?
Nicole [6:51] Yeah, well, um, I guess I’ve noticed the patterns of when it’s coming up. So if I know that I’m going to be doing like some speaking or things – like I know this is going to come up. I’ll plan ahead to make sure I have time and I put that as a priority, almost like an appointment. Yes, because I know that it’s going to come up. It’s expected and yes – so I try to plan ahead, but you can’t always do that. Sometimes it just comes, feels like it comes out of nowhere. And you’re like – oh okay – this is happening and you can’t always take time out. That’s when I guess I use some of the grounding techniques that people know about and yes to manage at the moment.
Connecting to my Grounding Techniques
Mark [7:33] Can you describe one of the grounding techniques that works the best for you?
Nicole [7:37] One of my favorites is I have these really strong sour lollies I carry with myself. If I feel like my anxiety is getting quite intense, and it’s going towards a panic attack. I’ll put one of those in my mouth. That just like switches my brain. I no longer have the worries and things my brains just so concentrating on “oh gosh’ that sour lolly is so strong and it just kind of snaps me out of it.
Mark [8:03] Great, it snaps you out of it and then enables you to reconnect?
Nicole [8:09] Yeah and I think that’s a really important part because otherwise, I feel like my brain would just jump back into the cycle again.
Rewiring our old brain firing – ‘Neurons wired together fire together’
Mark [8:17] This is part of the brain’s old pattern. The neurological pattern that it’s developed over the years – Buggar!!
Nicole [8:24] Yeah (Laughter).
Mark [8:28] That can be a process of rewiring over time by you?
Nicole [8:31] Yes definitely.
Empowered connection to self – connects to others
Mark [8:33] When you – as you’ve connected more to yourself, what are you noticing its impact on your connections to others in your world?
Nicole [8:46] I’m noticing that I’m not so afraid. When I feel in my heart when I feel my true self, I reach out to people I connect more deeply and I don’t have so much fear going on. Because I used to be quite a fearful person but I love connecting now. When I can get into my heart and to my true self and really connect so – it’s the best feeling in the world.
Mark [9:17] How much…How much energy comes out as you connect to your heart and give to others?
My Hearts Connection so Powerful
Nicole [9:25] A lot of energy and just It feels like – it feels like the warmth and the love is like through my whole body. I just feel so supported and so cared for and I just have like this big smile on my face. I feel – I feel safe within myself.
Mark [9:41] Great. It sounds like a really powerful gift to give to Nicole. in giving it to Nicole, it sounds like you’re also giving it to others.
Nicole [9:53] Yeah, I hope so.
Mark [9:56]
Hearts Flow-state Connection to Others
What do you notice when you’re in that powerful space? Your hearts radiating warmth and love. What do you notice the impact it has on the people you’re connecting to?
Nicole [10:12] I feel like almost like they’re more willing to connect. Like their showing more love and like people have even said to me or you’re inspiring. To hear that is – like just feels amazing because I think that we really need more love and connection in the world. I feel like that’s what we’re here to do is to love and connect and be a community.
Mark [10:37] Yes and connect in those communities.
Community Connection Imperative to our Well-Being
Nicole [10:39] Yeah. I feel like – like for me when I say community when I think of the word community, I think of connection at the same time. I feel like if there isn’t connection within a community like it’s not as strong or loving, and yeah, that’s what the word community intimate connection and belonging.
Mark 11:04] Yeah, we need that part of us – that does need to belong?
Nicole [11:07] Yeah absolutely.
Mark [11:08] It needs to feel safe in that belonging. Safe, validated. We also to do need to sometimes disconnect from our community. Do you notice because if you’re always giving you can be – there’s only so much energy you can give out. Are you aware of the need to momentarily disconnect?
Nicole [11:37] Yes.
Our Disconnect for a Reconnect
Mark [11:39] In that disconnect do you then reconnect back to Nicole?
Nicole [11:43] Yeah, definitely. I guess I really love yoga and I do that at least once a week. I make almost like an appointment or have at least half a day, once a week to go out in nature. I try to turn off my phone which I can’t always do, but I try. Then I just listen to what I can hear and what I can smell and just really relax and connect to myself but also the world around me.
Mark [12:17] When you’re out in nature is there an essence of connecting to an ‘All That Is’ – that may exist, not technically in nature, but do you know what I mean?
Nicole [12:31] Yeah. I don’t know. I don’t know what I call it or what it is. But I just feel so connected to the earth almost. Yes, I just feel there’s nothing more relaxing to me than being out in nature by myself.
Connection & Healing Energy of Nature
Mark [12:50] What you notice happens in your body when you’re out in nature?
Nicole [12:54] I notice my heart starts to slow down, my breathing starts to slow down. It’s almost like the whole world starts to slow down and my mind starts to slow down. It’s just like (hmm) kind of feeling.
Mark [13:14] The concept I use – is ‘peace of heart’ equals ‘peace of mind.’ It’s the other way around as everyone says peace of mind. Is there a sense of peace in your heart when you’re out in nature?
Nicole [13:26] Yeah, definitely. Yeah and I’m a lot more in my heart and I feel peace in my heart.
Connection to ‘Peace of Heart ~ Peace of Mind’
Mark [13:33] Is there freedom then, in your body?
Nicole [13:35] Yeah, definitely.
Mark [13:38] When there’s that freedom in your body and peace in your heart, what do you notice happens to your mind?
Nicole [13:47] I guess there’s no anxiety. There are very little worries if any. I’m just very much in the moment and I feel a lot more connected to my true self.
Mark [14:01] Sounds powerful.
Nicole [14:02] It’s extremely powerful. It feels amazing.
Connecting to my True-Self ~ Empowered Flow-State
Mark [14:08] The true self – is that – it’s really difficult to put words to this sort of process. Is that an empowered self?
Nicole [14:16] Yes.
Mark [14:19] When you’re in that true-self, what’s your flow-state like?
Nicole [14:26] Like, what do you mean by that?
Mark [14:28] The flow-state is it life is flowing through you. It’s like, the dominoes. You touch the dominoes and they will just fall – thousands of them fall over without a blip. It’s just there, everything’s just – there’s a flow. It’s everything’s just flowing unabated. There are no hindrances, there are no blocks.
Nicole [14:53] Peaceful.
Mark [14:53] Peaceful. When you bring that back – What do you notice when you bring that back to the communities that you connect to?
Flow-state is a Deeper Love & Connection
Nicole [15:05] There’s deeper love and connection not just for myself but for the people around me. Yeah, and I feel myself going more out of my comfort zone without actually realizing it sometimes. I just have a greater urge to connect and to help others and give even more to them but also to myself.
Mark [15:31] You go to your comfort zone, so it’s interesting that you just automatically notice that – you’re out of your comfort zone. When the old mind gets a hold, and notice that (Laughter)?
Nicole [15:47] That’s an interesting experience when it – or you realize.
Mark [15:54] Go into overdrive and go Oh My God, what are you doing here?
Nicole [15:57] Yeah, it does. Sometimes. Definitely. Yes.
Empowered Flow-State Mindset overpowers old patterns
Mark [16:00] Then because you’re in that energy of the flow-state and that empowered true you. It’s then got a hold of that space. It’s got more power over that old mindset?
Nicole [16:13] Yeah, that’s definitely.
Mark [16:17] What happens to our mental health when we’re able to connect to that space within ourselves?
Nicole [16:24] I think we become a lot healthier. I can’t speak for others but for me, I feel just a lot more connected. I feel loved and enough and like I belong. I think those are some core things that everyone struggles with. That’s why I feel like giving and, and learning to care and love yourself all the parts of you is so important for your mental health.
Mark [16:52] It’s like – I call it the personality boardroom. Inside our minds, we’ve got positive personality traits and negative personality traits. I’m wondering was they’re all designed to sort of – at a basic survival level to get the need met?
Our Flow-state managers our Personality Boardroom
Nicole [17:09] Yeah, definitely. I think that we need them like they all serve a purpose. Whether or what sort of relationship we have with them. We very much can control that but they’re all there for a reason. I think it’s really important to come to a place where if you’re feeling something that’s really uncomfortable, or you have emotions that come up that you have resistance – to remember that they’re happening for a reason and they serve a purpose.
Mark [17:41] And there is something that those emotions are needing?
Nicole [17:44] Yes.
Mark [17:48] When we explore those emotions, are we then starting to connect to what they actually need?
Nicole [17:57] Yes, very much so and sometimes you’re surprised by what you need.
Connecting to What Intuitively comes to Consciousness
Mark [18:06] What’s your process too? What’s yours how? How do you do that? Do you journal? Do you check-in? Do you notice something’s a bit NQR (‘Not Quite Right) at the time?
Nicole [18:21] I’m, normally I try to give myself some quiet space or just time where I can connect to my mind for a moment. I don’t know if other people do this but I actually talked to my inner child and I say, “Hey, what’s going on? Like I’m here for you. I’m listening. I’m here to support you. I’ve got you. Like, what’s going on? Like, I know this is surface level, like what’s underneath that? What do you need? What can I give you? Surprisingly, quite often the answers come. Quite often tears flow with that, but it’s so healthy and I feel – generally, I feel a lot better after that release as well.
Mark [19:13] When you just mentioned before the answers come. What was happening in my consciousness, I was just wondering, is it an intellectual answer, or is it an intuitive answer or both?
Connecting Intuitive & Intellectually – use of both
Nicole [19:26] I think it’s a bit of both. I’ve slowly over time, learned some of my patterns and what’s really going on. A lot of the time, I just feel it in my body as well. Yeah, so like, anger comes up a fair bit for me. I now know almost a lot of the time when I’m feeling anger, it’s actually I’m craving some love and some connection either with myself or with the people I care about.
Mark [19:59] Does anxiety get converted to anger?
Nicole [20:02] Sometimes, yes definitely.
Connecting to Awareness within our Body
Mark [20:08] Connecting to your body – is that an important part of the process to recognize where those feelings are coming from or what information that the body might be holding? Can it give you some insight?
Nicole [20:23] Yeah, definitely. For me, it definitely helps. If I’m having an emotion that I’m having a lot of resistance to. Sometimes I’ll just be like, okay, where is it in my body? Like, can I pinpoint it? If it had a shape, what shape would it have? What texture? Would it have color, things like that? Then sometimes just asking, what do I need or sometimes even all I need is not actually to do anything. Just sit with it and let it be for a while.
Mark [21:01] Is that bringing a presence to it?
Connecting to our Loving Presence
Nicole [21:03] Yeah.
Mark {21:05] A loving presence?
Nicole [21:06] Yes.
Mark [21:09] And in that loving presence to notice that that feeling is then getting met in that loving presence?
Nicole [21:18] Yeah, definitely.
Mark [21:19] It is my experience my intellectual brain wants to fix it. The two plus two needs to always equal four. When this particular feeling coming up two plus two ain’t equally four for the intellectual brain. Then the intellectual brain starts going “what” and goes into overdrive?
Nicole [21:43] Yes and I quite often going to overwhelm but it’s a learning process and it’s learning that sometimes you don’t need to fix it.
‘Fixing it’ Intellectual Brain – or ‘Being With It’ Emotional Brain
Mark [21:56] Yeah, and I’d be, I would assume, and correct me if it doesn’t register or I’m missing the point. In the overwhelmed is there a lot of energy in the body in the overwhelm?
Nicole [22:07] Yes.
Mark [22:11] What happens to the connection to the “All That Is” when that overwhelms there?
Nicole [22:18] It almost dies. Yeah.
Mark [22:25] If we could take that overwhelm, and drop it into the “All That Is” that you experienced from nature? Would the overwhelm then dissolve?
Nicole [22:36] Yes.
Our Connection to ‘All That Is’ dissolves it All
Mark [22:42] Powerful place to be?
Nicole [22:43] Yes, definitely very powerful.
Mark [22:47] I’m wondering when in learning about connections, because it’s sometimes through connections, that a lot of our triggers are going to be created through those connections to others in our communities. As human beings, we will all carry judgments of self and others and it’s how do we notice those judgments? When you notice those triggers – it’s how do we then – how do you then learn to reconnect back to that deep space of connection to your “All That Is”?
Nicole [23:31] I guess, definitely taking time out for me. Journaling at that point helps a lot because sometimes my thoughts seem too much or they’re going to quick. Taking time out to just be outside or just sit in a bath for a little while. Just let myself get to a calmer state before I start looking at the triggers. Yeah, and trying to understand them and remember that my belief is that we all deserve love. Even if someone has a completely different belief to me or I feel like they have a lot of hate towards certain people they still deserve that love.
Mark [24:23] Can I ask a really curious question about that true you that you talked about before when you shared. That true you, is she the – you of deep spiritual love?
My Connection to Love
Nicole [24:39] I’m not sure if I would call it deep spiritual love, but she is love.
Mark [24:47] She’s powerful.
Nicole [24:48] Oh, yeah.
Mark [24:49] All love. Where do you find her – If she was a – her in your being?
Nicole [24:57] Inside near my heart and she’s the little girl inside me as well.
Mark [25:07] She’s the little girl as well. As well as being the little girl, she’s also that powerful side, too. She’s both. It’s fascinating how the more we look within – there are some such rich dynamics deep within ourselves be – sometimes beyond our intellectual mind. It’s how do – how do we not judge whatever is coming up? The intellectual mind likes its world order. What you’re talking about – the world order is not always going to be the correct. Then, I wonder whether the intellectual brain is fetishing trying to get everything back in order.
Nicole [26:00] Yes.
Mark [26:01] That facilitates that sense of being overwhelmed. What’s wrong with – I internalize, what’s wrong with me I’m not getting this right.
Intellectual Brain & Our Emotional Brain
Nicole [26:11] Yes. And also I find overwhelming for me – I go to when I want to control, which might sound strange. I know, overwhelm. I know how I’m going to feel, I know how I’m going to act in overwhelm most likely. It’s that sense of certainty in overwhelm – it’s a state that I know very well.
Mark [26:37] Yeah. It’s very familiar. Yeah. It sounds like, well, it’s fair for me. Would it be fair to say that you’re actually befriending it?
Nicole [26:48] I’m learning to?
Mark [26:50] Yeah, it’s there. Rather than see and experience it as a negative, it’s starting to recognize it. Meet it, bring a presence to it. A loving presence. Do you notice it’s beginning to respond to that loving presence?
Nicole [27:12] Sometimes (Laughter)
Connecting to our Loving Presence for All our Being
Nicole [27:15] Sometimes?
Nicole [27:18] Yes, sometimes definitely not. Then that loving presence gets less loving but being aware of it.
Mark [27:24] Yeah and when it gets – my experience when it gets less loving, I can get highly critical of it. That the old – for me, it’s my internalized anger that. I’m not meant to be perfect, but it’s not right or what’s wrong with me? It’s all that sort of shaming, old self-shaming stuff that kicks in. It’s how do we bring light to that?
Nicole [27:56] Yeah,
Mark [27:58] Light and love to it. I’m wondering over time, the more practice we do to connect to ourselves physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, that then that enables us to start to heal?
Nicole [28:13] Yes definitely.
Healing our Inner Child
Mark [28:15] To heal the needs of that inner child. To heal the needs of that overwhelming sense of essence within ourselves. To bring care to it and to connect. In the connection to it, are you now able to reach out to others in your community and say, hey I need support right now, I’m going into my overwhelm nature?
Nicole [28:45] I definitely still struggle with reaching out. Um, but yeah, I do. I definitely reach out to my trusted friends and my family. And I have a psychologist as well, who helps support me and Discover more me and yeah.
Mark [29:04] And the reaching out. That’s also a connection.
Nicole [29:07] Yes.
Mark [29:10] In reaching out Is it a vulnerability? We need to reach out for care and support and connected connectedness to others to help hold it?
Nicole [29:23] Yes. There is a lot of care with her vulnerability. Absolutely. Yeah. And I think that’s why people struggle with it. Sometimes it’s because you have to be, oh, yeah, there’s a lot of fun or ability with it.
Changing our Ethos Surrounding Vulnerability
Mark [29:37] Yeah, society tends to suppress concepts of vulnerability.
Nicole [29:43] Yeah, definitely.
Mark [29:45] Let’s move right along, shall we?
Mark [29:49] Let’s pass that one?
Mark [29:52] Yeah. And it’s, it’s I’m wanting with a, as part of that connection to ourselves, you know, we really need to take ownership and responsibility for that vulnerable part of yourself. What’s deep within that may never cope in the world, or particularly in this busy world, and share how to do it create communities that are more open and honest and clear. Yes. About, yeah, some days, we’re going to be overwhelmed, and we’re not going to go.
Nicole [30:27] Yeah. And I think if we could teach young people that, that, you know, I think adults like to put on a mask, that they’ve got all this stuff together and they don’t feel certain emotions and things. I just think that’s so unhealthy. And I think that it’s really important to spread that message to young people and even children that all emotions are a KN and that vulnerability. It isn’t something to be ashamed of. It’s power. It’s extremely powerful, and I don’t believe that this Healing without fun or ability I think you have to be extremely vulnerable and an extremely powerful to – to look at your mind and your and your thoughts and your feelings and learn to be okay with some
Connection to Courage in Our Vulnerability
Mark [31:14] That sounds really courageous to check-in. Yeah, I noticed that on our ability into on that phone ability that’s not a weakness that looks really courageous. Yes and powerful.
Nicole [31:27]Yes definitely.
Mark [31:30] What a gift. Yes, a very powerful gift.
Nicole [31:36] There are so many gifts in
Mark [31:37] The world and to be so young to be able to develop the awareness and the insight at such a young age is again, more courage to you.
Nicole [31:48] Thank you.
Being Open to Our Vulnerability
Mark [31:51] Would it be fair to say that more people it in your generation of becoming more familiar and more open about vulnerability and connecting?
Nicole [32:04] Yeah, I think that we’re slowly learning to be more vulnerable and be more open and, and to seek help. I hope as the generations keep coming that we get more and more okay with all of us and accepting of others and more loving others.
Mark [32:27] Its important love, isn’t it?
Nicole [32:29] It’s so important
Mark [32:31] I wonder whether it’s a bit of an essential key to our humaneness and our survival of humanity lately a human essence
Nicole [32:41] Yeah, definitely.
Self-Love is So Important
Mark [32:46] In during the conversation to a close, is there anything else that you would like to share your inner journey of self-discovery and self-transformation?
Nicole [32:58] Yes, sir. Um, I guess these two messages that I think are really important. And one is, no matter where you’re at, or how dark the world seems, or your own mind seems that even though you might not believe it in the moment, there is always hope there is always light. And I have the belief that every single person on this planet was born with love inside them, and that they are loved and no matter what you do, no matter how many mistakes you make, or you perceive you make, there’s still that love inside you and you’re still worthy of that love. And my dream or my goal is to help others see the love and the worthiness and then toughness and the belonging that is inside them. Because we all have it.
Mark [33:54] We do have it. Yeah, it’s in there. . How do we find How do we open? Yeah, go beyond our egos to find that.
Nicole [34:04] Yeah. Can we let ourselves find it? as well?
Mark [34:10] Yeah, it is. How do we let ourselves find us? And when we’re not finding it, how do we stop judging ourselves? Yeah. Because inside ourselves, there’s a fairly strong critic that considering how absolutely.
Mark [34;27] How do we silence that critic to enable us to explore at a deeper level, the essence of the true essence of self.
Mark [34:38] It’s wonderful to sit here in your presence, to share your connection to your true essence. It’s a privilege and an honor. And thank you for your courage.
Nicole [34:53] Thank you.
Mark [34:54] Thank you for having this Heart of Connection conversation to Self, Other and ‘All That Is.’
Nicole [35:00] Your welcome. Thank you for having me on Mark.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai