Connecting to our True Source of Masculinity ~ Episode 72 ~ My Conversation with Brock Fidler

Heart of Connection Podcast
Heart of Connection Podcast
Connecting to our True Source of Masculinity ~ Episode 72 ~ My Conversation with Brock Fidler

Connecting to our True Source of Masculinity

Mark [0:00] I would like to welcome Brock Fidler to the World Heart of Connection podcast. Brock is a multidisciplinary artist, a talented musician, and an artist living in a really idyllic bush setting. So peaceful out here, Brock. Welcome to the podcast.

Brock [0:18] Thank you. Thank you for having me.

Mark [0:20] Brock just by way of – do you want to do a brief introduction to yourself.

Connection to the Bush

Brock [0:27] Well, I’m living out here on the surf coast of Bell’s beach with my beautiful partner, Isabella.  We’re helping each other grow towards all of our endeavors, whether it be creative, for friendship, growth, and health in mind, body soul kind of thing.  We found that balance out here, together.

Mark [0:53] Great and it’s such a beautiful peaceful space to be able to find that balance.  Fewer distractions, less of the city distractions.

Brock [1:03] Absolutely.  I just come from a two-bedroom apartment in Hampton. We were kind of surrounded by the housing Commission.  A fair few drugs and things like that around.  So, I’ve done pretty well complete life swap.   Swapped that for a beautiful partner in the beautiful scenery in the ocean.

Mark [1:25] Well done mate.  Connection to self.  How does Brock connect to himself?  What’s his process?  How does he do it?  How does he check-in?

Connecting to my Morning Ritual

Brock [1:38] Well, the first thing I’ve got a morning kind of ritual that I do.  Mainly as I wake up, I’ve got the kangaroos outside roughly six in the morning.  So, a lot of the time it’s dark but it’s really nice and quiet.  Have my cup of tea and I just say, I love my life, I love my family.  I am grateful for all the gifts I’ve been given and all the gifts

that I can give and check into that.  Or just telling my family I love them is mainly something that brings me into myself.  Because they kind of put me out here in the first place.  Just being grateful is a major thing that kind of raises my vibe for the rest of the day and if I feel really in tune with myself from there.

Mark [2:34] When you do connect in there – doing that, connecting to the love of your family, you’re using that verbally, you’re setting that intention.  Can you describe where in your body you feel that?  Do you connect to that?  Is it more in the mind?  Is it more in the heart or is it a combination of both?

Connection to Head & Heart

Brock [2:56] I feel like it’s a combination.  Certainly, a circumstance from maybe the day prior or what’s going to be happening during the day can affect whether it’s coming from the heart or the mind.  I can certainly say some mornings are a lot quieter in the mind and I’m feeling at peace.  I’m watching and just feeling my surroundings a bit more.  And other times it’s a more of an emotional – I love my life, I love my family really grateful.  Or just feeling a bit – like I need this to help me raise my vibe as it wasn’t so strong or good yesterday.

Mark [3:39] When you notice that vibe that yesterday wasn’t so good.  Do you bring attention to that vibration and then try and make a shift or a check-in to see what’s facilitating that process that disconnects perhaps?

Brock [3:58] In the last year, working with my partner Isabella, about making conscious decisions about just even the language that we use.  It is the main part of my growth in the last year.

Connecting & Acknowledging Emotions

Brock [4:16] So, kind of when the emotion arises, it’s like a form of acknowledgment that we kind of go through now.  This process of acknowledging, even if it’s a horrible feeling or whatever it might be.  Seeing where it comes from the root of it.  It is to try and track it down a bit.  It can be difficult, but it’s when you get there, this is released and it’s kind of comforting and you can find yourself back in this middle ground after accepting it, acknowledging it.

Mark [4:59] This could be just my interpretation, it sounds like when you’re exploring that – it touching whatever that uncomfortable emotion is, in acknowledging it and touching it – is that starting to nurture it?  Starting to give it some loving-kindness and compassion that it may not have got back then when needed to have gotten?

Connecting & Nurturing My Emotions

Brock [5:20] Absolutely.  There was an unconscious effort to push those things away before in my life.  Now it’s definitely a nurturing way of looking at my emotions.  Because there’s that – there’s that comfort afterward of knowing that you’ve kind of met your demon or whatever it might be at that moment.  And the acknowledgment gives that some warmth even if it might be dark.  It still needs that bit of warmth and you can then turn it into something transmute – transmute it into something a little bit lighter, you know.

Mark [6:00] It’s like the old cliché that we men are a bit known to stick all that hard stuff, that painful stuff down the rabbit holes and try and pour as much concrete on it as we possibly can.  Unfortunately, though, that part of us deep down is needing to come up.  It gets triggered and comes back up again and surfaces. As you’re starting to meet that – are you noticing a difference in yourself?

Brock [6:32] Well, absolutely. There’s – you know, still kind of feeling that transition from boy to man – also where I am just reaching 27 years old.

Conscious Growth

Brock [6:54] There’s definite conscious growth between my partner Isabella and myself. Zoning in on what it is to feel really.  And just how to utilize your feelings to help heal yourself really as well.  That’s really the focus on it and break reoccurring patterns that no longer serve us.

Mark [7:28] And is it deepening the connection to yourself?

Brock [7:31] Absolutely, yes.

Brock [7:34] I find myself mainly out in the water in the quiet or the turbulence of it.  Or in the thick of the music or concentrating right in the middle of a piece of art.  Where I don’t know where it’s going or where it started.  That’s where I find myself I think.  In doing those things, emotions arise a lot and you kind of check them during these forms.

Connection to Others

Mark [8:07] And as you’re deepening the connection to yourself to the love, we’ve got joyful emotions and we’ve got difficult emotions.  The more you’re connecting and growing in there are you noticing an impact that’s having on your connection to others?

Brock [8:30] Yeah, I’ve had to let go of a lot of older friends.  Not saying that I would never love to hang out with them again.  It’s just that I’m seeing – there’s we are growing in different ways and going in different directions.  But yeah, I just or you might have to…

Mark [8:56] That’s okay.  I wonder whether that – the experience of growing in different ways to other male friends. Sometimes we can experience or I’ve experienced that as a disconnection and that can be – yeah that can be a bit painful at times that disconnect.

Disconnection to Old Friends

Brock [9:24] Yeah, certainly.  There have been moments of disconnect between older friends and myself because I feel like there’s some – a bit of maybe schoolyard kind of – a bit of toxic masculinity happening there that no longer really serves my purpose.  Like, you know, it does make me giggle.  You know, it’s not funny to me anymore.  And I don’t particularly want to surround myself with that.  But when I do, I make a conscious effort to inspire and be inspired, even if they’re not really listening, they may still be…

Mark [10:15] And I wonder whether it is something – You know that point you raised about toxic masculinity.  I wonder whether that is something – well talk about being pandemic.  Is that toxic masculinity conditioning, a bit of a pandemic that we men, growing from boys into men, something we really need to address and start to heal within ourselves?

Tuning into our Emotions Instead of Raging Them

Brock [10:42] I think that’s a leading factor in kind of our – if we were to ascend into a higher state of some sort.  As men, we really need to be closer in tune with our emotions and make sure that we’re not just bottling them up because that can be toxic.  And not just raging them out because that can be toxic and hurtful.

Brock [11:09] You know, there is a movement happening and you and I speaking is part of this.  I find a lot of men that I keep close to me at the moment, are very open and aware of this conversation that’s happening.  And we kind of check each other and check-in on each other.  Also to make sure that these steps are being taken to really not repeat history.  In the sense of these – you know – shut or bottling up emotions and, or raging out through bottled up aggression and lashing out at people that don’t deserve it. Or just being generally stubborn can be one thing that I think is it’s slowly breaking down.  The stubbornness is turning to openness.  Certainly in the people that I surround myself with at the moment

Connecting to our wounds (vulnerability)

Mark [12:19] That aggression, that raging out – it is quite toxic and we’ve had a huge history of it.  I wonder what’s underneath that need to rage out.  You know, are we afraid as men to declare and show the vulnerability, our emotional vulnerability underneath that anger? Hmm

Are we afraid as men to declare and show the vulnerability, our emotional vulnerability underneath that anger? Click To Tweet

Brock [12:48] Hmm, certainly fear is a leading factor to most.  Running from an emotion that’s a type of fear.

Brock [13:04] Yeah.  Or the fear of letting go of the emotion or you know, anything that might have been traumatizing can come out in a traumatic way as well to the people around you.  Being able to speak openly with a friend can really just help subside that.  Or bring it to light more so – to be worked on properly.

Toxic Masculinity a Trauma for Men & Women

Mark [13:47] And I wonder how much of the toxic masculinity that we have experienced through the generations –  I’m wondering how much that has facilitated a lot of trauma – innate trauma for men and boys growing up?  Rather than face that we then start to replicate what’s being modeled upon us?

Brock [14:09] There are a few instances where I feel even with the men that are in my life closely I feel there are some things they’re holding on to for whatever reason.  The trauma might be so difficult that – or so prominent that it’s not something that they want to share with me personally.  Even though I am open to hold the space and just hear, I might not say anything back but just be there as support.  But I can see there’s still a pride or something that some men are holding on to.  For fear of maybe seeming weak when they share this trauma.  Or maybe just really not

wanting to put that upon someone else, because it could be quite deep-rooted for them.  And if it’s taken them this long to figure it out, how are you then going to figure it out for them?  So, maybe they’re just doing that in an in kindness also.

Connecting & Hold a Loving-Kindness Space for other Men

Mark [15:23] Can I just check-in when you were sharing about holding a space for them.  I was just wondering and curious in holding that space, are you holding a loving-kindness and compassion for them to be able to share with you whatever that trauma maybe for them?  To allow it to come out into a beautiful, caring space for it to be healed?

Brock [15:48] Unconditional because I try not to judge.  There are definitely parts of me that judge certain people in certain aspects.  But when you are in a place like that, and someone is readily or just about willing to let something deep or dark out, you have to be just a shoulder, and an ear, and an open heart and an open mind really.  You need to be that.  And quiet is probably the best thing you can be in that moment. From what I’ve discovered.

Being Fully Present to them

Mark [16:26] Just being – and being fully present to them.

Brock [16:29] Absolutely. It’s them. It’s you and them.  You and the other person only really at that moment.

Mark [16:36] What an amazing connection. That’s really good.  That’s a really beautiful space, isn’t it?  To be able to – how much more are we men needing that?  And how would that then improve our sense of connection to self and each other?

Brock [16:56] I think, what’s come up for me recently is that there are some men circles that are happening.  There’s a fine line between that men circle having maybe a loud – one loud ego over the rest and having too many men and then having yourself kind of closed off and you’re only speaking to that one person that you really trust.  So there’s like, – there’s got to be in a nice a number in a circle or four points to table where you can have an open discussion that maybe not feel – like there’s too much testosterone in the room kind of thing.

Connecting & Keeping Male Ego In-Check

Mark [17:57] Too much ego?

Brock [17:58] Too much ego, Yeah.

Mark [18:01] Is it – could it.  I know we’re generalizing it a little bit, but could it be that male ego, that sort of pride? It’s an incredible essence that holds us back and holds us back.  Does that hold us back from connecting to each other?

Brock [18:22] I feel like the ego is getting larger and dying a lot at the same time.  There’s a lot of people that are just getting rid of it.  You know, accepting it and facing it – ‘oh yeah, this is part of who I am.’  And it’s pretty obvious.  It’s really hard to hide from anyone now as well.  There’s a lot of coverage on who you are – data on who you are as well.  So, it’s not so easy to hide your ego.  So people check it a lot, I think confidently.

Open Hearted & Our True Spirit of Masculinity

Mark [18:59] In it becoming more open – are we then able to connect to the true spiritual self, the true masculine spirit self?

Brock [19:11] I find what you’re saying resonates with me and as we become more open, you become more open to truth.  Being stubborn doesn’t allow truth or letting your ego take the reins can wear you away from it. And definitely, it is what we need to be doing.  I think definitely opening up allows truth in.

Mark [19:46] As you allow that truth is, is there a sort of like a spirit essence, your true spirit essence self comes forth and starts to flow and starts to just radiate out of your being?

My Musical Connectedness

Brock [20:05] I find myself in a moment of musical connectedness.  There’s a moment of me and source completely join. It’s timeless and ageless and very similar in moments when you step back from your artwork or you are so right into the tip of your pen of it, or your paintbrush, whatever it is.  Yeah, that connection to source energy or spirit is amplified.

Brock [20:46] That’s also like a place in which your heart, and your mind, and your body is really all open. All senses are quite heightened in that state as well.

Mark [20:57] Can you describe what you experienced in your body when you hit that source and you’re in that flow- state?

Connecting to my Flow-State through my didgeridoo

Brock [21:06] Certainly when I’m – if I played didgeridoo this circular breathing of that is a meditative instrument, the vibrational tone of that is extremely lifting and the agelessness of that particular instrument.

Brock [21:25] All music when you do hit the moment of connecting to the Source – it physically can make you feel a little bit lighter.  The whole body seems to yet become light.

Mark [21:40] Do you resonate at a soul level when you’re doing that?

Brock [21:46] Resonate at a soul level?  I think there is – the source of ‘All That Is’ kind of carries your soul in that moment.  And you feel kind of lifted up towards or downright deep to where that source energy might come from.

Mark [22:13] Where does your sense of self go when that happens to Brock?

Connecting to the Source of My Soul

Brock [22:17] Directly into the intention of the music or the painting, what’s the intention of that?  And the source for my soul seems to amplify that – whatever that might be, at that moment.

Mark [22:36] Can I ask what happens to mental health and your emotional well-being when you’re in that state?

Brock [22:42] Well it’s – like if it’s a sad song, it could be amplifying the sad emotions, but at the same time, it’s like I’m so sad that I’m happy. I’m so happy that I’m sad – kind of thing.  And also you know you find yourself reaching a place of feeling really happy with the sound that you’ve just made.  But also you don’t want to lose that moment by being too taken away by that.  You want to stay in there as long as you can.

So Healing in the Flow-state of Music

Mark [23:21] How healing can that be when you stay in there as long as you can?

Brock [23:28] It’s pretty well – the music and art and now the ocean for me the main reasons why I get up out of bed and things like that.  And love for my partner’s Isabella – the love – the love of it.  There’s a lot of curious parts to it as well.

Mark [23:54] As you touch that heart how energy just materializes from the source – just carries your away or just comes within and how much flow does Brock then have?

Brock [24:22] The more I do, open up and acknowledge my emotions – previously, the more I am then kind of gifted back from Source.  Or from myself because I’m more in tune with it in that moment having kind of asked myself prior – what’s the intention here and what am I trying to feel out here?  Is there an emotion coming up?

Gifted back from Source is Empowering

Mark [25:03] Does it feel empowering?

Brock [25:08] Music and art absolutely, fully empowering – the connection that you can find yourself in when you do let go completely.  It’s an empowering feeling.  But it – you can also feel powerless to at the same time because you get taken along and on the ride. Which know we are doing that.

Mark [25:34] And the ride into the unknown sometimes?

Brock [25:36] Yeah, absolutely. I love the unknown.  We had a beautiful jam last night which was much unknown. A friend of mine Aaron came over and he’s a very jazzy element to him.  So I decided to play some percussion and just to catch on to where he was at.  It was difficult and he was hitting notes that to a normal person might sound like the wrong note.   We were on a journey together, an uncomfortable one at certain times.  But to find that crescendo at the end, the connection of Source, which we did find and Isabella join in.  Just harmonize this lovely note and the progression, the chord progression found it’s kind of structure and stability and we found that moment all together and you have that little bit of silence afterward where you’ve we noticed that you found it.

Connecting with our Energetic Flow-State

Mark [26:35] As you’re sharing it with me now – it sounds like the energy of last night is still with you as you’re sharing that story just now?

Brock [26:41] Definitely. If I’ve had a good jam the night before, or even moments ago, it’ll stick with me for the day. And it also can, if you haven’t had one in a while, same as if you haven’t had a wave in a while you haven’t created anything in a while.  As a creator, that’s where you really need to check your emotions the most.  And see why it is you’re not creating or is this a time for me to be resting and maybe taking in other people’s artwork – be inspired by them to then inspire again.

Mark [27:22] Just coming back, you’ve already mentioned the ‘All That Is.’ I’m just curious when you’re in that space. How do you then connect to the ‘All That Is’ – it’s through your art, your music, in the ocean.  When you’re out there in that ‘All That Is.’ Does the sense of self dissolve in that space?  Are you one with the ocean, one with a wave?

Connecting to the Ocean of Oneness

Brock [27:56] Yes, certainly. The ocean is a great reminder that you are really one with everything.  Because you are just floating kind of weightless out there. And there’s just a horizon line, and then you’re taken by a force, but it’s also your choice to be taken by that force or not.

Brock [28:22] And I think that the choice – is a major factor in all of this as well.  And really choosing what you’re believing.  And I believe that we are definitely one with Source connection in – if we give it time.

Mark [28:43] And when we connect to that Source, and when oneness with that source.  Would you describe it as being spiritual?

Brock [28:53] There is a spiritual element to it.  I can say that – I’m not, having come from a religious background. Anything but there is a spirit Source.  There is a source of spirit that’s all around us.  And the closer you are to it, or the more you give, acknowledge the subtle energies that surround – the closer you get to that.

Connecting to our Spirit Source our True Masculinity

Mark [29:26] And as men, if we were to get closer to that Source, how would that make a difference to our masculinity and the expression of our masculinity?

Brock [29:45] Well – how would that sorry, would you mind?

Mark [29:54] It’s interesting – as you share with me.  There is a powerful source there.  And I’m just wondering if – what would happen if more of us men are able to ‘let go’ of our egos or keep our egos in check and connect to that deeper spiritual sense or flow sense, the Oneness sense.  And as we’re more connected to that Oneness sense would that – how would that then manifest to our connections to each other? What would it do to our raging out?  What would it do to our connections to each other and with each other?

Closer we men are to Source we open our Hearts & Minds

Brock [30:33] I think there’d be a lot clearer communication between men.  Certainly like in moments where we are feeling strongly about something rather than taking away I think that clear communication or bottling up – that clear communication will come out.  And if we are all closer to Source then, we all have more open hearts and more open minds and potentially the space is also well – the space should be more open because we’re more in tune with that space.

Mark [31:20] Well done.  Is there any advice that you’d like to give to young men coming through?  Not that your old mate (laughter).

You Are the Creator and So Create

Brock [31:31] I have just surpassed my 27 Club.  I was all live fast and die young for a lot of my life.  Just reaching 27 I was pretty scared about it.  But if there’s any advice that I could give, it’s you are the creator.  To create, you can procrastinate another time. We need to just keep talking with each other openly and create more spaces where people can collaboratively create.  Just be really kind – be kind to people – there’s a lot of hate out there – so you be a bit kinda – that’s really nice thing.

Mark [32:21] And under our hate is our pain?

Brock [32:24] Yeah and that those people given the hate need the most love.

Mark [32:28] Well done.  Brock, thank you for your creative collaboration today.  Thank you for your connection.

Brock [32:34] Absolute pleasure. It’s been really nice thank you.

Mark [32:36] Lovely mate to connect with you and thank you for sharing your story. I really appreciate it.

Brock [32:41] Been great you asked all the right questions, thank you.


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