Episode 22 – “Healing the Heart of Our Inner Child” – My Conversation with Debra Mittler

Heart of Connection Podcast
Heart of Connection Podcast
Episode 22 – “Healing the Heart of Our Inner Child” – My Conversation with Debra Mittler

Healing the Heart of Our Inner Child

[0:00] Debra Mittler from Living In The Loving, thank you for being a guest on the heart of connection podcast. I’m your host, Mark Randall. And I’m looking forward to having a conversation with you regarding the heart of connection to self, others. And all that is. By way of introduction, would you mind sharing a little about yourself?

[0:22] Thank you so much for having me.   What I do is, I assist people in going deeper, in their healing and going deeper in their loving.  How I do that is by healing, the unresolved issues that we’ve picked up along the way.  They can be masked by the addictions, our fears and anxiety and, moving through that energy so we can move into the truth at the core of our being.  My Facebook page is Debra Mittler.

They can be masked by the addictions, our fears and anxiety and moving through that energy so we can move into the truth at the core of our being. Click To Tweet

Unresolved Hurts Block the Connection to Our Hearts

[0:49] How much of the unresolved stuff have you found stops us from connecting to our hearts?

[0:55] A lot of it.  And most of us don’t even know what’s really going on.  As a lot of its subconscious, meaning when we have like issues in our lives today, it’s not really about what’s happening today, it’s actually triggering an old memory.  However, we think it’s what’s happening today. And a lot of times, we try to control the outer, we try to change the circumstance, we try to change the person, we get mad or whatever. What is really happening is we’re reliving an old wound or a past experience that we haven’t yet resolve.  That’s why it’s called unresolved issues.

[1:23] The only reason really why we get angry, upset, or any of these, they call it lower level vibrations. But it’s just our inner being saying, hey, you know what, something inside of me is asking for loving.  This is the time, to take a deep breath and take a step back and just be with that energy.  Many of us don’t know where it came from.  And that’s a process and from my own healing I learned that and now I can take my clients through it.  On the same token, we can see what’s going on inside of us by how we’re feeling and what the upset means.  Also what we’re saying it means about ourselves.  Doing this is how we start to clear some of those unresolved issues and the conditioning that is in the way of our true essence, which is the love of who we are.

It's just our inner being saying, hey, you know what, something inside of me is asking for love. Click To Tweet

Healing Our Emotional Wounds & Trauma(s)

[2:05] Is the connecting to our own trauma, own woundedness.  Is that building the sense of connection to self?

[2:14] It is part of our experience of being here.  In order to actually clear that we need to go into it.  A lot of people say you just move on or whatever but that energy is stuck somewhere.  This is what our triggers are coming from.  In order for us to heal, that we need to go into that with love and shift that energy because energy is a vibration.  This vibration that stuck in our system somewhere, whether it happened when we are 5, 6, 7, 8, it doesn’t matter.  Even if it’s 10, 20, 30 years later, we’re still responding from that space until it shifted and healed.

[2:58] How do you invite people to heal it, to go into it, to re-live it.  I’m wondering whether that brings up a lot of pain, emotional pain and hurt?

[3:09] It does bring up the pain and that is why it’s important to actually do it with somebody who can hold the space of love for you.  You see a lot of people saying, well I’m my own healer but most, most of our traumas are pushed down for a reason.  The reason is that we weren’t capable of dealing with it at the time.  Even as adults, when we get triggered, we automatically can regress back to that 2, 3, 4 years old.  The 2, 3, 4 years old doesn’t have the tools and that’s why we freak out when we get triggered. It’s like, well, what’s going on, and we want to blame the outer but it’s like I said, it’s not about the outer is about going within.  Loving that part of us who’s been hurt.  Loving that part of us who’s been abused. Loving that part of us, giving them a better understanding and helping them grow up with that new attitude.  So that shifts our vibration inside and we no longer react from that same place anymore.

Even as adults, when we get triggered, we automatically can regress back to that 2, 3, or 4 years old within. Click To Tweet

Healing Our Hearts Deepen The Connection of Self to Loving Bliss

[4:05] Does that then deepen the connection to self?

[4:09] It has for me and has for my clients.  That’s all I really have to go by.  I think, because of those wounds it’s blocking our connection to ourselves. So in order for our energy to flow more freely, those wounds it’s important to bring love to those wounds.  As love is the healing energy of our being. So when we’re in the full vibration that means, wholeness body, my soul, and spirit or all connected in the loving our energies flowing more freely, and we’re more connected to have to solve because of our true selves, the loving.

As love is the healing energy of our being. Click To Tweet

[4:44] What do you experience in your body, when you have connected?  You have worked through that pain you’ve bought love to that pain.  What do you experience in your body?

[4:54] It’s like bliss. It’s like, becoming one with all that is.  This feeling of, I’m okay. It is not like a lot of people who are rushing with anxiety and trying to do something.  I believe there’s a lot of that is trying to avoid the pain. Or we are living in the past like anxiety is his thoughts about the future and depression is you’re still living in the past.  So no matter what ideas or whatever symptom you’re having, outside, it’s protecting you.  It is kind of protecting you from being your true self.  Maybe when you were a child, you are told, ‘hey, you know what, you can’t be you’. So if you’re, you, you’re not loved. So then when we, as adults, or as we grow up, when we start to feel that true self, we get anxious.  It’s like, I can’t be me, I got to be someone else. The old experience is if I am me and I won’t be loved. So in a way, the anxiety, the depression, the addictions are our protector. It’s protecting us from not being loved.

The Mind & Thoughts of Old Conditioning

[5:50] I also wonder whether our intellect and our mind is a protector?

[5:54] Our mind keeps our thoughts. So our thoughts keep us in the conditioning.  So when we’re in our conditioning, it keeps us from feeling, our true selves.  It’s like the ego, it’s everything certain and it is not against us.  It protects us because for whatever reason, being our true selves weren’t accepted for whatever reason. This did not happen to everybody.  I know for me, and for many of the clients, I see, it wasn’t okay for them to be who they were.  That energy gets trapped and shut down and then anytime it appears, something in us creates this, like self-sabotage.  So we don’t express ourselves fully because we weren’t accepted for expressing ourselves fully.  The world, even as we all talk about authenticity, but how much are we really living authentically?  If I am me, and I show this, people won’t like me.  And even though we say we’re don’t care about what other people think, saying it may mean we care about what other people think.

Our mind keeps our thoughts. So our thoughts keep us in the conditioning. Click To Tweet

[7:04] When you’re connected, you have really work through the wounds, and you have the deep connection to self.  What do you what do you notice happens to your mental health when you’re in that connection?

[7:24] And when we go back to the wounds?

Mental Health Can Dissolve In Our Loving Heart Bliss

[7:26] No, once you’ve healed and worked at healing the wounds.  You talked about healing the wounds and there was a really deep bliss in your body. I am just curious about what happens to your mental health in that experience?

[7:39] What I experienced is anxiety, the depression, even the addiction is just naturally fell away!!  I didn’t try to make them go away or take medication, I didn’t do any of that.  Once I heal that wound I was more relaxed inside of me, I mean, it took work.  It’s not like, I just healed it and it’s done.  You know, it’s like, okay, so I went into that space, I brought love to it.  Little bits and pieces kept coming up along the way, and still do every once in a while.  That is when I take a deep breath, I stop, and I know what’s going on. I know I am reliving this time when dad said this to me, as I already know where that’s coming from.  So if I’m able to go there immediately, and just love that little girl who’s scared right now.  I think that’s what’s helpful about knowing sometimes where this stuff comes from.  You don’t always have to, and it’s not forcing things because not everybody’s ready to deal with it.  So you don’t want to force it.  It’ll happen naturally when that soul’s ready.  If they’re not ready, then there’s more they need to learn, wherever they’re at.

[8:37] What happens to that little girl inside you when she’s met with your love?

[8:41] Oh, she just melts.  She’s just so happy.  I always see her little face just smiling, it’s so beautiful. So I know anytime I upset, that’s my little girl saying, “love me.” That’s it. That’s just the bottom line.

Loving the Little Girl (Inner Child) Melts Her Heart

[8:55] What happens in your heart then?

[8:57] My heart just expands into this blissful feeling of love.  It just melts.  It radiates throughout my body, it’s just a beautiful experience.  I say the little kids running the show and most people don’t get that.  The little kid (inner child) is running the show.  They are the ones letting us know whether we’re in alignment or out of alignment.  If we’re not listening, if we’re denying our feelings, then we’re not aware of what’s really going on inside of us. We’re just bypassing.

[9:24] So that’s our energies are connected to self-preserve that that space?  Yes, the self-preservation of that little, that delicate, fragile, sensitive part of our existence.  Which is the inner child?

[9:43] Yeah,

[9:45] We’ve always got that (inner child) and will always have that (inner child)?

[9:48] Yes, the innocent. Yeah, the sweet little (inner child).

Suppressing the Inner Child down Our Rabbit Holes

[9:51] We can’t ever get rid of that.  We can push that down into as many rabbit holes as we like, but it will (inner child) still start screaming.

[9:59] Yeah, that what I mean and say the little kid’s (inner child) is running the show, no matter what.  When somebody gets angry, or mad or, even feeling good – is like all that, is a little kid coming out.  It’s an instant regression.   It is called ‘regression’ in hypnosis.  So that’s what happens, we instantly regress it happens in a nanosecond of how all of our……(sorry for the interference…..) something happens on the outside and it triggers and our subconscious mind goes into the file cabinet.  This is how we’re supposed to respond to this.  So a lot of that is automatic, we are like automatic beings, we’re not really conscious, we’re not really making conscious choices.  We’re just making conscious – we making choices from our subconscious, which is programmed because of experiences that we had in the past.  That is what healing does.  Healing resolves those issues, so we can be more present.  So our energy could be present today.  Here we can make more conscious loving choices and connect deeper to our heart.  This is our true selves inside that region of our heart and our core and getting them connected.

Radiating Heart

[11:14] When your heart is radiating, what’s life like for you when your heart is radiating?

[11:17] It’s amazing.  I remember the first time like, I did this really deep healing and I walked out fine.  I would just happy. I’m like, it was weird.  I was like, I’m happy for no reason.  Like, there’s nothing different happened in my life.  I just felt this like sense of I’m okay, in the world.  I have never felt okay in the world.  I never felt safe.  I hated everybody.  I hated myself, and I did not want to be here.  Why do I have to be here, it’s such a struggle?  For the first time in my life was just like, wow, everything’s okay.  It was like living in a different world.

Deeply Felt Experiential Touch of the Radiating Heart

[11:56] How touched were you when you were living in that world?

[12:01] I can’t put it in words.  It’s hard to express in words.  It’s beyond words.

[12:07] Are you touching it now?

[12:10] Yeah, as I’m talking about it yeah.  Yeah, it’s like this, I’m smiling is just like I feel like I’m in tune with my true self.  And I am right now, because it’s like, it feels like natural for me right now.  And I think that’s part of it, too.  I’ve come to the place where everything just feels natural.  I don’t have to think about what I do anymore.  It’s not like, I have to think about things, or I have to perceive how things are going to go.  It’s just like, going with whatever is here, right now, is that state of bliss?  Is that state of connection, that state of feeling like, everything’s okay.

I'm smiling is just like I feel when I'm in tune with my true self. Click To Tweet

[12:53] How do you connect to others from that space?

[12:58] Well, when I’m in that space, I’m naturally connecting to others.  So it’s just like, I can’t control how other people are.  I just stay in the space of my loving and just seeing the perfect being beyond all the appearances.   It’s taken me a while to do that.  As I know we’re all at different places, and awakening and stuff.  Some people are open to it, and some people aren’t and that’s okay.  I just let people be.

More Freedom through Healing Our Triggers

[13:28] The more presence you have, what do you notice?

[13:34] The freer I feel.

[13:37] The less triggered you become?

[13:41] Yes, triggers but more free to express, just to create, just to be, just to go with whatever is here.  Now, instead of planning so much and living here, and how I used to live with worrying about money, worrying about whether people like me worrying about you know, (……sorry interference…)

[14:07] When you start worrying about that, have you come out of that connection to yourself, and back up into your mind and back up into the old thought processes?

[14:16] That’s exactly what’s happening.  Yeah, and it’s old conditioning just coming in.  This is a part of me saying, I don’t feel safe right now, or there are different reasons why.  When I worry, then I’ve sunk down into survival.  I’ve sunk down back into the world of the matrix, or whatever you want to call this world.  It’s just old conditioning, which I recognize it right away.  What I do is, I just take a deep breath, I relax and I give it to God.  I don’t stress about things anymore, because I do change what I can.  I let go of, first of all, I let go of changing other people because that’s impossible.  I can change whatever goes on inside of me. This means I can change my thoughts about things, I could change my feelings about things I could just be with myself in a more loving way, or whatever the situation is calling for at the time.

Being Lovingly Present to Our Sadness

[15:10] Sometimes, what happens if you can’t, on a day where it’s just not going to shift?  How do you stay present to that space?

[15:22] What do you mean?  Like if I’m triggered with somebody or myself?

 [15:26] Say, for example, you know, my experience sometimes today, I’m sad, I just can’t shift.  You know, I’ve only got 30% of loving energy there but I’m still sad.  I just need to be with that sadness, and it’s just going to shift today.

[15:42] Yes.  I have days like that and what I do is, I lay on my floor and I cry.  I am with the energy and I let it out.  And, I do talk to my little girl (inner child), I just say, you know what, it’s okay.  It’s okay. I’m with you.  I don’t try to talk her out of how she’s feeling. I don’t try and do anything.  I just hold her.  I did that actually and what helped me in my healing was almost for two years, I literally cried to the depths of my Soul, on my floor, my condo.  I would just come home every day and just cry.  I had a lot of stuff pent up, and a lot of people do, but they’re not aware of it.  Every time they get a feeling, they go to eat, they do drink, they go to drugs, they do something and that just gets stored more and more in there.

From Self-Medication to Soul Medication

From self-medication to Soul medication ~ Mark Randall Click To Tweet

[16:35] We self-medicate on food, drugs, whatever.  I wonder also, whether we self-medicate on TV?

[16:43] Anything that takes us away from yourself, even meditation, can be medication (….sorry for interference….) they’re like saying, I’m just gonna go meditate.   That is still a way of escaping what you’re feeling.  Whatever takes you away from this, even reading?  If you’re, reading to avoid life and not wanting to face yourself and your feelings. It’s anything (….lost transmission here….)

[17:10] Sorry, I’ve lost you there Debra. Oh, Hi.  How you back? Yeah.  Can you repeat that?  Sorry, I don’t know what happened we just lost what you just said.

[17:22] As far as self-medicating?  So anything we do that takes us away from ourselves.  I mean, even reading, even meditation, eating, exercising, drinking, having sex doing all that stuff. I mean, everything’s great in moderation, right?  Food becomes an addiction when you overeat, but you need food to live.  Reading is great but if you’re doing that 24/7, you’re avoiding life then really, it’s an addiction.  Meditation is great but if you’re meditating all day long and you can’t hold that space in the world then your avoiding being in the world. I know how challenging that is as I had a hard time in the world most of my life.  It’s learning to find that balance and form bonds within yourself.  So all these things so all these things aren’t a have too.  They are part of my nurturing for my Soul.

Does your heart balance your mind? Or does your mind balance your heart?

[18:18] Can I ask, what balances what?  Does your heart balance your mind? Or does your mind balance your heart?

[18:27] That’s a good question?  I think balance in everything, physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual.  So it means finding balance in all areas and that’s how we become full.  If you’re neglecting one, you’re out of balance.  So aligning and stay it lining with your heart and mind.  It’s kind of like the conscious mind and subconscious.  So, that’s why I kind of see them, the regular mind and the heart.  When they’re aligned, our energy flows more freely.   If they’re out of balance, meaning the mind, the conditioning and all that is out of balance, then it’s going to affect our energy flow.

So it means finding balance in all areas and that's how we become full. Click To Tweet

Lower Vibrational Thoughts

[19:03] When there out of balance, is that then an indicator that we knew, there’s something arising from the subconscious that I might need to pay attention to?

[19:12] Yes, that’s my opinion. Yeah, anytime we have they call it to lower vibrational thoughts like anger, resentment, jealousy.  All that stuff is stemming from the subconscious, showing us what energy we’re carrying inside.  It is asking to be loved and healed.  Our energy bodies are our guiding us.  Our Soul speaks to us through our feelings.  If we’re denying our feelings, and we don’t really know what we’re going through at the time.  It’s just okay, I’m just going to override this and just go on.  For some people that works, you know, I’m not saying that that doesn’t work.  I just know it hasn’t worked for me.  Who am I to say what people’s paths are like.  I think what’s really important is to help people to empower themselves and have them help them to go into that space where they can listen to their own guidance and let their own guidance, show them what’s right for them.

[20:06] I’m wondering whether, in our society, it’s so much pushed onto the “intellectual guidance” rather than the “energetic guidance”?

From Mindset to Developing a Heartset

[20:15] Yes. It’s changing, though.  I mean, we talked about mindset.  I mean, now, all you see is a mindset.  Well, what about heart-set?  Start with the heart and mind.  Start with the heart.  Move into your heart and ask your heart what it needs or what it wants?  Or you know what it came here to do?  What you know, open yourself to your heart and let your heart move up into your mind.   You’re mind guide because we need our mind.  Our mind is like our ego.  Our mind and our egos are beneficial, it helps us get through this life experience.  Then to deny our mind is saying, like denying an aspect of ourselves.

Now all you see is a mindset. Well, what about heart-set? Click To Tweet

[20:53] Is it through your heart to your Soul?

[21:03] I consider your heart and soul together.  I don’t know what people think.  That’s just my kind of when I feel into my energy body, that’s what I feel.  I feel my core, my heart and my Soul is filled with love.  I feel that’s where the loving resides, I call it your essence.

Beyond the Heart & Soul Connecting to ‘All That Is’

[21:22] And when you touch into the heart and Soul, is there a connection greater than yourself do you connect to “All That Is” through that?

[21:32] I get a sense of that. Yes.

[21:34] Can you describe that? What’s that experience like?

[21:40] If you kind of look at the sky, it kind of just blends into everything?  Just like you’re, nothing and everything (….sorry for the interference…..) at the same time? Just like there are no words to explain it.

The Sense of “I” dissolves beyond Soul

[21:59] Does the “I,” the sense of self, does the “I” dissolve?

[22:04] The “I” definitely dissolves.  I don’t, it’s like there’s no Debra here anymore.  There’s just this like, connected to everyone and everything.  Even the sense of “I”, that stems from this physical idea of it, which is the idea of us in this physical reality. 

[22:26] Yeah,

[22:28] You are dropping out a little bit and you’re losing a connection here.

[22:38] Sorry Debra, I might have to ask you to repeat that because we’ve dropped out a little bit.

[22:48] The connection through, when you lose that sense of “I” – when we are through the heart to the Soul, and the connection to, ‘All That Is’ – the sense of “I” dissolves?  What’s that like for you as the, “I” the Debra dissolves into her Soul or becomes just the Soul – the ‘All That Is’?

[23:12] Yeah, I don’t even think of Soul.  I just think like, there’s an ‘all or nothing’ at the same time.  You know what I’m saying?  There isn’t this identity, this dense body anymore?  It’s just this open, expansive feeling that it’s just a free-flowing energy?

Stringing glimpses of enlightenment together, life is very different.

Stringing glimpses of enlightenment together, life is very different. Click To Tweet

[23:31] I know if we were using a cognitive language, a cognitive conscious language to describe this stuff.  Some people have said, that space that you’ve just talked about, is like an enlightenment?

[23:48] Yeah, I would say is.  It’s like you reach enlightenment.  I remember the first time I had it, I kind of freaked out to tell you the truth because I didn’t know what’s going on.  I was kind of spacey I was in my spiritual psychology program.  I was driving to my class and I didn’t know I didn’t recognize anything anymore.  I was just like in this like different state and I got there and I felt like I was drugged up it was just like, kinda like drugged up.  But this same sense, I didn’t know where I was, who I was.  It was just this, it was scary for me as I didn’t realize what was going on.  Later on, I have been able to activate that state again, and it was more peaceful.  I think it was just scary to my system as I didn’t know what it was. It was something new, you know what I’m saying?  Now I go into it as I can go in and out of it a lot.  I do it purposely because, it helps me (….sorry further interference….)

[24:59] I don’t know what happened there.

[25:09] When you are in that space, what would happen if you were to be able to string more of those glimpses of enlightenment together? How would life be different?

[25:23] It has changed my life because that’s what I do my best to ground myself but to embrace that experience before I do anything.  So, what it does for me, it helps me get through life, to tell the truth.

[25:43]Say again,

[25:44] So I just feel it helps me get through life.

I Anchor by Calling Forth My Guides, Angels and All Divine Beings

[25:48] How do you anchor back there?  How do you string it together?  What do you have an anchor?  Do you have a process to remind yourself?

[25:59] I have a process that I go through in the in the mornings.  I sit and I call forth my guides, my angels and all the divine beings to love and work with me and asked for a clearing and I surrender my life to God.  It then just opens up for me.

[26:20] Wow, clears the path so to speak.

[26:22] Any unresolved issues, anything that’s lingering in my energy field is cleared and lifted to the highest realms of light and sound, or may it be transformed and used in service for highest good.  Then I I asked to be filled with love and light and surrounded by grace.  Then the energy seems to stay with me throughout the day.  Until sometimes I get triggered and then I just kind of take a deep breath and relax.  It’s just great to have the awareness because I don’t think any of us are going to ever fully trigger free to tell you the truth.  I think it’s an ongoing thing as long as we’re here because we’re learning about love.  I think that is the journey of a why we’re here.  In each situation, we have an opportunity to choose fear or love, and when fear arises, it’s an opportunity to love that part of us.

Calling Forth My Guides, Angels and All Divine Beings. Click To Tweet

Hold With Love & Non-Judgement as The Soul Choose To Be

[27:12] And just be with it and hold a loving so caring, loving, don’t judge it, don’t get angry with it, don’t beat up on it, just be with it as the Soul chooses to be.

[27:22] Like a loving parent.

[27:35] That’s right, that’s a really beautiful medication, isn’t it?

[27:42] Yeah.

[27:44] You there?

[27:46] Yeah. That you did hear that?

[27:48] Yeah, that’s the deepest medication we could ever have, isn’t it?

Our Natural Medication beyond Heart & Soul

[27:51] It’s the best medication.  I was going to say (it’s free and natural)  I was in and out of treatment centers for over 23 years for anorexia, for depression, all that.  I was labeled me bipolar, schizophrenia, all these things.  They would try to medicate me, I always spit it out.  I put it under my tongue when they because they watch you take it and then I would spit it out.  They wanted to give me electric shock therapy. They thought I was crazy.  I was called crazy my whole life.  Even as a little kid, I was called crazy because I saw things people didn’t see.  I talked about things people didn’t understand.  And that’s why I’m saying I was shut down at a very young age that I wasn’t allowed to speak or talk about things that were that felt right to me, which was beyond this world.  Even when I was put in treatment centers, and like I said, they try to medicate me instead of allowing me to actually go into that space and express from that space.   They didn’t understand that they just treated the symptom.

[28:54] It is the greatest gift you can give to ourselves, and learn to come into that space.

[29:00] Unfortunately, Debra dropped out to the technology.  It’s like to say thank you to Debra for her contribution to the heart of connection podcast.  If you want any further information, please don’t hesitate to look us up on Facebook under the Heart of Connection Podcast community group. It is a community group to help support each other in developing our heart of connection with ourselves, others and all that is.  I would just like to take this opportunity to give a special thank you for Debra to take your time in California to speak with us today.  Appreciate that.  Thank you, Debra.

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